Little Fish, Big Pond Problems.

If this week has taught me anything, it’s taught me that guys and girls get sad equally. The only difference is that men don’t really vocalise it the way that women do, meaning that we just think they don’t get sad.

I think that they go to huge efforts to put on a macho front and act like they don’t really care, especially when it comes to relationships. But I’ll give you some insider information – guys are refreshing their instagram feeds watching for your stories and updates, hating themselves a little bit for even caring what you’re up to or where you are whilst they do it. (Because they’d like to have the girls believe that they are out having the most crazy night of their life. You’ll hear them over emphasise what a ‘wild’ night out they had. “Literally, BEST NIGHT EVER.” )

“She’s out there too busy having a great time, posting stories and pictures. She doesn’t even seem bothered!” Meanwhile, my pal looks like he’s missing his right arm. Newsflash pal, that girl is bothered. She’s just pretending to you that she is having the time of her life. She doesn’t want to give you the satisfaction of thinking that she is sad for even a second. Five minutes after she posted that latest update, she was probably crying into her Mojito in the toilets with her friend; the one who was offering moral support in the form of dabbing the poor girl’s eyes with tissues so that her mascara wouldn’t run and ruin her makeup.

In a way, it was kind of refreshing to hear that guys get sad too. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want anyone to be sad, but I always feel as if it’s my girl friends that seem to get down in the dumps. It always feels like it’s the girls consoling the girls. Blame it on hormones or whatever else if you like, but I feel like women are portrayed as these emotionally volatile beings. I was assured this week that it’s not a female-only affliction; guys get insecure and upset too. Probably even more so here in Dubai. Big cities with a high number of expats can feel like a very lonely and isolating place, and Dubai is no exception. It’s hard to make new friends, and by friends, I don’t mean drinking buddies and party pals. With guys, it’s that their insecurities lie inside different parameters. One example I can bring to the table about why guys feel insecure in Dubai is (I hate to bring it back up after I was forced to delete an earlier post about it – touchy subject alert…) Social Media.

If you think your boyfriend doesn’t notice that @bigMoh123 * likes every single thing that you post (except the pictures of you post of you and Bae – which @bigMoh123 definitely does NOT like) then you are either stupid, or delusional. @bigMoh123 probably has some kind of advanced alert set on his phone so that he gets a notification every time you post a picture. He’s probably lying in wait, hoping that one day when that alert pings, you’ll both be photographing your hipster salads in the same cafe, at the same time. And in his dreams, you’ll live happily ever after – THE END. “It’s always the same guys, watching her stories and liking her photo’s first, before anyone else has even had the chance.” But to the regular girl, @bigMoh123 is just some major creep that’s not even on the newsfeed radar.

Now, don’t misread me – I am not saying that guys get instantly jealous when a guy likes a picture or that their backs arch up like a possessed cat who’s just seen a ten foot Rottweiler jumping over the fence. I am simply saying that, these guys who constantly ‘like’ your stuff online, don’t always go unnoticed.

Also, it seems a bit like guys are under the impression that most of the ladies in Dubai are out on a hunt, looking for handbags and fancy cars. That may be so for a minority, but as a pretty grounded girl, surrounded by grounded friends, I’d like to think it’s not true. Certainly none of my friends are chasing after that. I love shoes, I love clothes, I even love posh candles. The difference is that me and my friends aren’t looking for someone to fund the shoes or posh candles, (we can buy our own thank you very much, and gladly so! I don’t want to be like the ugly stepsister in Cinderella, cramming my feet into a glass slipper thats about three sizes too small!). We collectively want to meet good people who have manners and are good fun. Give us that over a posh pair of heels any day! What matters is that he picks you up or drops you home. Not WHAT he picks you up in!? I was trying to explain this to a guy in work who was feeling insecure about a girl he’s dating. I even said, why would you want to date someone who you thought just wanted you fund an extravagant lifestyle that financially stretched you beyond your means? She’d dated a wealthy guy before him, and he couldn’t seem to shrug off the ghosts of the ex boyfriend past. He was being driven demented trying to fill his shoes and strived to give to her the lifestyle that he thought or assumed his girlfriend expected. Judging by the sounds of it, no matter what she said to him, she couldn’t reassure him that everything he was doing was in fact, enough (and probably then some – otherwise why would she date him?).

I do understand. On one hand, there’s so much wealth over here and it appears that a lot of men think that they can just ‘buy’ a girls affections, and herein is where the insecurity starts. “Why is she with me, what can I offer her? That guy has three apartments and two supercars and pays for tables.” (I just made that up by the way – I don’t know anyone with three apartments and two supercars). I had one friend who was getting a lot of unwanted gifts from a guy, regardless of how many times she told him that she had a boyfriend and wasn’t interested. I’m pretty sure all that guy saw when looked at her was a challenge. He must’ve thought she’d cave in after being wowed by his extravagant gifts. Truth was, she really wasn’t. She felt awkward, uncomfortable, and eventually, her boyfriend had to intervene.

So why are the guys getting sad and thinking that they’re not good enough?

Are the men feeling sad over that, in the same way that the girls are feeling sad because they don’t have legs like Giselle and a body like a Victoria’s Secret model? Do the girls feel like the guys could do better, and the guys feel that the girls could do better too? We all need to stop being silly!!!

A friend asked me how I survived in Dubai? – how had I – a “normal” person survived in Dubai and managed to feel pretty happy? It took me time to settle in here, but it definitely helps that I am surrounded by REAL people, who have very real stuff going on, and very real bodies, very real personalities and who are very real friends. And this is the only way! No fake friends, no hidden agendas… Oh and every now and again I disconnect from Social Media, sit on a beach and read a book, or hide in my lair and watch trashy TV while I do a face mask.

If you’re a guy, and sitting with a face mask isn’t going to cut it for you, then maybe you should Skype your mum. Chances are, she’s your biggest fan. She’ll drag you by the ankles back down to reality on the ground should you need it and she’ll remind you of exactly who you are (and about the time you peed your pants when you were five – just for extra measure).

  • @bigMoh123 – I am really sorry if you’re a real person and that your instagram name actually exists… I just picked it from random, and unfortunately, it so happened to be you.
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